Helping Your Child Through Social Rejection: What to Say and Do When It Hurts

Every parent wants to protect their child from pain—but what happens when the pain comes from peers, like not being invited to a party or being excluded at recess? Social rejection can be one of the most heartbreaking experiences for a child—and for their parents to witness. As both a therapist and a parent, I’ve watched my child navigate the highs and lows of building relationships. Here’s how we can show up for our children during these moments and help them build lasting emotional resilience.

1. Stay Present: Let Them Feel Without Rushing to Fix

When your child shares that they were left out or teased, resist the urge to jump into solutions right away. Instead, take a breath and just be there.

Try saying:

• “That sounds really painful.”

• “I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m here.”

• “It’s okay to be sad. I would feel that way too.” 

This models emotional regulation and shows them that all feelings are welcome—not just the happy ones.

2. Name What’s Happening Without Blame

Social rejection is a normal, if painful, part of growing up. It is not helpful to tell your child this will never happen again or to ignore their own feelings. Helping kids understand this can take away some of the shame.

Try:

• “Sometimes people don’t know how to be kind. That’s not about you—it’s about them.”

• “It hurts because you care. That’s a strength, even when it feels like a weakness.”

Avoid blaming the other child (“That kid’s just a jerk!”) because it keeps your child stuck in anger rather than growing from the experience.

3. Reflect Their Strengths

Being rejected doesn’t mean your child is unworthy—it means they are learning about relationships.

Affirm what you notice:

• “I saw how kind you were, even when you felt hurt. That takes courage.”

• “It takes bravery to keep showing up when things are hard.”

4. Talk About Friendship Skills—When They’re Ready

Later, once the feelings have settled, help your child think about what they want in a friend and how they can spot red flags early.

Ask:

• “What makes you feel good when you’re with someone?”

• “Have you noticed anyone who treats others kindly? 

This encourages them to choose quality over popularity and develop healthy boundaries.

5. Know When to Step In

If the rejection becomes chronic (like bullying or repeated exclusion), it’s time to involve teachers, school counselors, or therapists. Your child deserves to feel safe and valued at school.

6. Take Care of Yourself, Too

Watching your child suffer socially can stir up your own childhood wounds. It’s okay to acknowledge that and get support if needed. When you take care of your own emotional response, you’ll be better equipped to support theirs.

Conclusion:

Social rejection stings—but it’s also a powerful chance to teach your child about empathy, self-worth, and choosing the right people to surround themselves with. You don’t need the perfect words. Just show up, listen, and let them know you love them exactly as they are.